I Won't Let You Go
by CorrieFan8081
Summary: "Take a little time to feel around before it's gone. You won't let go but still you keep on falling down." Leanne's letter to Nick from Coronation Street (22/08/2016)


_Leanne's letter to Nick in last night's Corrie got me thinking and obviously, Nick had no reason to open it because they're finally back together and I have to say their reunion was so touching! But I just fancied giving it a go! Any reviews are welcomed, thank you!_

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Nick,

I don't really know how to start this if I'm honest. To be frank, I'm not even sure how I'll end it either. But I guess a good place to start is with you and us and why this has to be goodbye.

I'm a walking, talking, breathing mess and I'm sorry Nick for all the pain I've put you through over the last nineteen years from when we first met till...well now, goodbye for good. I'm sorry I told you I didn't love you when I did. I'm sorry I screamed I hated you when I didn't. I'm sorry I didn't follow you to Canada because when you'd gone life was dark and I'd never felt pain like it. I missed you. I loved you. I wanted you.

I'm sorry for messing up your relationship with Maria. When you were engaged and I swept in, stealing you away and ruining any chance of happiness you had with her. But like you said the other day, you always find happiness and lose it just as quickly as you find it. Still, it wasn't my place to wreck your engagement and make a laughing stock of you. I didn't mean any of it. I still loved you. I wasn't over you. I wanted you. I needed you.

You came back when I was with Peter. And with you came back a hundred and one feelings I thought were long gone. I thought there'd be nothing there. No feelings. No love. No regrets. No desire. No lust. I was wrong and you were right. I did love you. I hadn't stopped and I did marry Peter through guilt. But really Nick, really I wanted you. I wanted us. A life together, as you once told me yourself. We didn't need anyone else if we had each other and I wanted that so badly. I wanted you more than anybody else.

Even when you turned Peter onto the drink and I lashed out at you, hitting you and screaming at you, you know I didn't mean it. Well I did. But I didn't. I was angry, hurting and seeing no way out of the loveless marriage with the alchy cripple I'd married. The only joy was Si. And Si is another reason why it kills me to write this to you and leave you behind; you were like a second father to him and, to him, you'll be more than just Nick with the flash car and the Bistro that married his Mum. You're everything Peter isnt and if you'd of been his biological father, you'd of been his perfect Dad. He loves you like his father and I know he'll miss you like hell. We both will.

I married you again because I'd finally found happiness. Love. Us. Perfect. It just wasn't at the right time and even then, just a few years ago, I don't feel we were mature enough in our marriage. We should have been honest from the 'I do' and told each other the truth. But then there was the crash and my world was turned upside down. No because you were brain damaged. Not at all. I'd taken that vow and swore to it. But because I'd come so close to losing you Nick. So close to having to live my life with no you and it was hellish. I couldn't do it and I'm not sure how I'll manage now without you. I'll find a way because you need a fresh start. No pain. No misery. No heartache. And certainly no me.

And well, I want to be as honest with you as possible.

I'm not leaving because I don't love you. I'm going because I do Nick. I've loved you since I was sixteen and I've hurt you since then as well. Kal. Peter. Name a fella and I've hurt you with him. I can't do it to you anymore. I saw what Carla did to you and I want to save you of the pain. It's for the best. Really.

I'm also moving to Liverpool for good because life has become too messy here. Maybe I'll explain to you properly one day. Maybe we'll talk over coffee or drinks and laugh about what we once were and you'll wonder why you ever wanted someone like me. And maybe one day you'll understand why I left and why it was for the best. You know, when you meet the one and marry her and have...You'll be better without me in your life anyway.

So so I don't want this to be the end, or goodbye but like they say, all good things come to an end so, I just want you to know Nick that I do love you. I have done since I was sixteen and have loved you ever since. I will miss you like hell. I miss you already and I'm only moving to Liverpool. I want you. But I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone better than me. Someone that won't hurt you. Someone that deserves you.

So, I guess this is goodbye.

You're my best friend. You're the love of my life. You're my everything. You're my one.

And I'll love you always and forever,

Leanne


End file.
